How Did They Muck This One Up Pt. 1: Bride Wars

I do not want to see Bride Wars. I do want to see a witty, visual comic confrontation between the stars of Rachel Getting Married and Almost Famous (has Kate Hudson done anything else worthwhile, anyway?), but this looks like a dumb, pedestrian sitcom construct with the stars of The Princess Diaries and the female lead opposite Matthew McConaughey's awesome stoner pecs. I mean, take a look, this shit is just stupid:



Dammit, Hollywood! Take Kate Hudson, please. But it breaks my sensitive heart to see Anne Hathaway break out of your steel talons and put her beauty to great work, only to run back into your cancerous golden arms. Anne, I'm sure you weren't sure about Rachel Getting Married, and Bride Wars may have seemed like a reliable project to retain your commercial clout. But Rachel worked out, dear, and you're getting an Oscar nomination for it! Can we please stop this foolishness, and get you in line to star in Jonathan Demme's next movie? Or what about Gus Van Sant? I think you would like him, he did wonders for Nicole Kidman when we didn't take her so seriously. What about Spike Lee? Or David Gordon Green or Pedro Almovodar? Shouldn't you work with Terrence Malick while he's still sort of making movies? Jane Campion? Mary Herron? Are you really going to let Scarlett Johansen hold a monopoly on late period good Woody Allen movies? I bet you read, how about talking Julie Taymor into helming a strong story again? How about talking David Lynch into another real, 120-minute shot-on-film movie? You can do it, Anne Hathaway. You're my only hope.