Sunday, December 21, 2008

VB Shaolin and the Legend of the Neptunes

Fuck Kevin Bacon, here in southeastern VA our six degrees are squarely focused on Pharrell, and we are all within two degrees. Myself, a friend of mine's parents made an ice sculpture for his birthday party (did the same job later for the Clipse at a party that ended in gun-related homicide at the Granby Theater). Everybody here knows that the Neptunes arose under the auspices of Teddy Riley, putting in work on the classic "Rump Shaker" single (recently interpolated by M.I.A.) by one of the most enduring duos hip-hop ever gave us, Wreckx 'N Effect. We can even tell you where they got particular shots in VB and where M.I.A. copped her melodies in the following videos, both of which are fairly easy to figure out anyway:

Re: Paper Planes Video
random Beastie cameos make me smile. isn't that mike d and ad rock toward the end? are those guys from new york and hip or something? i didn't know.

Anyjhgldkj, the Neptunes are now superstar producers and auteurs, sort of what the Rebel E of the future is to the last decade or so. Many know, but enough forget that its worth blogging about, that the Neptunes got their first big exposure producing the tastefully titled second solo album by the late Ol' Dirty Bastard.

Yes, the immortal classic that is "Got Your Money" was one of our first delicious tastes of that Neptunes future funk. And speaking of delicious tastes, it was also an early appearance by Kelis (I was tempted to write a.k.a. Mrs. Nas, but in my sense of priorities Nas is Mr. Kelis). As far as I know, this is the first time the Neptunes musically cast their muse and one of the most creative, progressive, unique female pop stars of our times as a whore. Unfortunately, it was not the last. Did you realize the amazing pop moment that was "Milkshake" is all about her, like, fellating dudes (and really well as she tells it)?

...okay so I just went to YouTube for the video for that one, and embedding was disabled, but I still sat there and watched it, because it is a mind-blowing song (about dick-blowing) and the sleazy, pandering, well-made video aroused me quite a bit. i guess i'm going to find another clip for that song for your benefit, but i suggest you look up the real thing. just so you can feel as i do right now. all hot and bothered and vaguely depressed, like a really talented and attractive prostitute just blew you for money...

Oh here's the whole thing ripped off of television (hooray free media!):

...yes i did watch the whole thing again and managed to keep my pants on because that's how dedicated i am. this is the proper end of this Neptunes related post, but i'm going to post a few more videos to wash the taste out of my mouth (no pun there, but innuendo intended)...

En Vogue's "Giving Him Something He Can Feel"
An equally arousing, but much classier, blatant metaphorical ejaculation video.

Kelis - "Millionaire"
A much more life-affirming video from the same album as "Milkshake". Here, Andre 3000 produces and features, and it is much easier to focus on the talent and ingenuity of Kelis, rather than how great it would be to have her slob on one's knob. Perhaps not having her foxy self appear in the video was the only way to do that.

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